Relationships by nature are not perfect and they all have their upsand downs. While that is in the realm of the normal, if you are in a’ toxic’ relationship it's time to reevaluate and move on. Simply put, a toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship that leaves you feeling drained, depleted and distraught with your significant other undermining your sense of self, robbing you of your feel good factor. Not sure if you are in a difficult relationship as sometimes relationships can be or if you are in a toxic one? Look out for these telltale signs:
Walking on Egg Shells
You are afraid of how your significant other may react, so you constantly find yourself walking on eggshells and tiptoeing around your partner, feeling the need to rehearse a script on how best to broach a subject with him/her. You feel the need to keep secrets because you are afraid if you tell him/her the truth it can trigger off a volatile reaction with menacing behaviour that leaves you feeling emotionally and/or physically vulnerable.
Feeling Emotionally Stifled
You are unable to have a real conversation with your partner about your thoughts and feelings and iron out issues without worrying about coming across as needy or demanding. It’s important to be able to speak your mind and express the way that you feel. Bottling your feelings is detrimental to not only your relationship, but also to your health and wellbeing. Partners should be able to express themselves without fear of what's going to happen when they do.
Verbal/Physical Abuse
Abuse in a relationship comes in many forms and seemingly regular fights are tantamount to abuse if your significant other resorts to verbal assault such as hitting below the belt, belittling, insulting, name calling, humiliating or undermining you. In fact, more often than not physical violence escalates from verbal abuse. If your partner has an unpredictable temper that causes him/ her to lose control,even if the violence is not directed at you - such as throwing or breaking things - it is cause for worry.
Emotional Manipulation
'Push you-pull you, on again-off again' is your partner’s modus operandi and your significant other is always changing like the weather. You can’t say if your partner is going to be loving and attentive like he/she was at first or mean and distant leaving you feeling hurt and rejected like an unwelcome guest. On some days the world begins and ends with you, on other days, everyone and everything else comes first. You never really know where you stand with your partner.
Possessive Behaviour
Your significant other blatantly or clandestinely checks on you, routinely going through your phone and social media communication,tracking your internet history and often demands proof of where you were and who you were with. You word is not enough and you have to justify yourself. You are made to feel as if you are somehow to blame for their possessive behaviour given your past - real or imaginary - or your nature/personality because of which they are compelled to keep an eye on you.
Confidence Knocking
You feel you can’t be yourself, and you can’t seem to do anything right. You are scared to show parts of yourself that might not be well received because of open or cloaked criticism if you do and you feel like you have to wear a mask or say/do things that don't come naturally leaving you drained and feeling on edge. Most of the time what you do is perceived as less than acceptable with your partner deliberately putting you down to cut you to size and make you feel small.
If you feel you are being subjected to such behaviour, always finding yourself at the receiving end of being treated badly, you need to move on to a heathy and nurturing relationship that makes you feel good - fulfilled, secure and wanted. If you partner makes you feel like they are doing all the heavy lifting and you are not pulling your weight and they are in the relationship because they love you despite / inspite of the way you are or if you are constantly obsessing over how to fix things and keep your partner happy, affecting your mental well being, it’s time to bid adieu.